From Job: The God Who Dwells in Unapproachable Light

"...until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which he will display at the proper time-he who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen." -1 Timothy 6:14-16

I haven't written in a long time. Mostly because I've been struggling a lot lately with feeling that God is distant. I've been going through a storm of sorts and wondering when exactly it will end. But tonight as I was reading Job, I feel like I got jolted into perspective. 

Most of you know the story of Job. He lost everything, his friends were jerks and kept telling him it was because he sinned, Job says he hasn't done anything wrong, God shows up and everybody stops talking. 

Until now, it didn't make a lot of sense to me. God even calls Job blameless, and yet when He speaks to him He starts off with statements to the effect of "Don't you know who I am? Do you really think you know better than me?" Job repents. But what has he done wrong?

And then I found this article, mainly this quote here; 

"In his suffering, Job had charged God with acting unjustly. He had pleaded for an opportunity to appear in court with Him. When God finally speaks, His comments are not what we would have expected Him to have said. God primarily speaks of the awesome acts of creation, the awesome creatures in it and His care for all that He has made. In doing so, He shows how little understanding Job has of the big picture. How could Job argue his case with God as an equal? If God is so attuned to His creation, how could He be unaware of Job's suffering? Job comes to perceive God in a way he never had before!"

In the past few months, I have done anything I could think of to get closer to God. Praying, reading, music, writing, everything short of living in the woods alone with my Bible for a week. I have tried to run from sin and do good things and surrender. I've had all the right answers and the right heart for most of the time. 

But this passage grabbed my heart. See, I've forgotten that it is an extreme, scandalous privilege to meet with God. The only rights I have are the rights of a child of God, and I've forgotten that the only reason I have those is because He bought them for me and gave them to me.

I didn't earn this. I am not a Christian because I'm good. I'm not even a Christian because I know I'm bad. I'm a Christian because God looked at me and said "I know how awful she is and I want her." He decided that He would make me clean, He would make me worthy, and He would be merciful to forgive all my sins, even the ones I still cringe to think about. 

This has nothing to do with me. In the big picture, history is not about me. The Bible is not about me. It's about Him. It's always been His story because He's the Author, and my arrogance will never take what is rightfully His. And heads up- it's all His. 

Because this God I claim to follow, He's way bigger than anything, including me. This God that determined the measurements of the earth, "shut in the sea with doors", "commanded the morning...and caused the dawn to know its place", "walked in the recesses of the deep", and knows where light comes from (all from Job 38, by the way) most certainly does not need me to do anything. 

I sit around and act like I'm just waiting for God to get His act together and let me see Him again. I forget that when I do see Him it is an undeserved honor, and every moment He doesn't punish me is an extreme mercy. (However, He doesn't punish me because my sins are forgiven, but He still lessens many of the consequences that should come from my sin.)

This life was not my choice. He chose me and saved me, and I had absolutely nothing to make me worthy of saving. I couldn't do it myself, and if I couldn't save myself then, why on earth would I think I could save myself now? 

How could I claim He doesn't see me when He sees every corner of the earth and every tear that falls?
How could I think He doesn't know what He's doing when He keeps the entire earth in motion, suspended in space? 
Why did I ever think that His love ends when not a sparrow falls that He misses? 

My mind can't comprehend a God so big and yet so close. 

God, let me not forget when I am brought near the throne that it wasn't my own feet that carried me. 

So the point of this post? The real-life application? I am really messed up. He is really good and really big. It's going to be okay. This may be an in-between moment in my life, but those matter, too. There is still light to be found here.

(P.S. For more on Job, check out John Piper's post here.)