This week is what we in the student choir world semi-lovingly refer to as "tech week" for our upcoming musical. It's our last minute learning lines, blocking, choreography, etc, before the show, and it has a reputation for getting a bit...hectic. And honestly? It's one of my favorite weeks of the year.
But as I get older (this is my 7th year), it gets easier and easier to, well, get over it. Stand here, say this, snap on beat, don't fall down the stairs, don't grab cookies right before your scene, I get it. It can be more than just tempting to come in, do your thing, but never really mean any of it. Coasting can become natural.
Especially now, I tend to worry all day long and take a quick break to recite scripture in a microphone before going right back to stressing over graduation, college, work, whatever seems most interesting (and terrifying) at that particular moment.
Yet, I hadn't realized I was missing it. God has really convicted me that I say I love Him when I'm praying but then when I say it on stage I don't mean it. I don't even think about what I'm saying.
This isn't just an ordinary play. Yes, I'm acting, but these themes are things I should truly believe. Do I really think God is enough for me? Am I really committed to letting Him have all of me?
I'm not in this position by accident. As a senior, this is my last chance to stand on this stage with these people and proclaim that there is Hope and His name is Jesus.
I refuse to take that lightly anymore.
God can and will use this musical. That's evident partly because there is so much opposition to it this year. Timing, personal stuff, technology. Getting the Gospel out almost always runs into problems because the devil is dedicated to fighting Christ.
Thankfully, Christ is dedicated to the Gospel being heard, and we all know who wins.
The Gospel wrapped in contemporary music and scripted jokes is still the Gospel. And I, for one, choose to let that Gospel change me.
See, I'm one of the oldest people in the cast and I've been involved with this kind of thing for a while now, but I, without a doubt, need Him more today than I did last year, or in 6th grade. I need to hear this Gospel.
I need to hear that no matter what we've done, no matter how I feel, His grace is enough for me.
I need to hear that no matter how "good" the things I'm doing are, if my heart isn't right none of it matters.
I need to hear that the King came down and gave everything for me to be made new. He is the Great I Am and the victory is His.
And, between you and me, I feel like I'm not the only one. The musical is for the audience, and surely someone sitting in those pews is just waiting to be told that they are loved? Surely someone needs to be reminded that He has made us free? Surely someone needs Him just as much as I do?
So tonight, tomorrow, and the rest of these precious days I've been given here, I'm taking a step back and listening to a message that I desperately need to hear . I'm stepping out and using this broken, human love to love broken, human people, and trusting that God can turn that into something more powerful than us. I'm stepping forward and telling them, telling myself, who this God is and how much He has paid to bring us close.
I'm surrendering my worry, my irritability, all those little nagging thoughts that keep me from being present, and remembering that my God has been faithful. And this Sunday night? He will be again.
"Are you surrendered?"
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