That Post Where I Reassure Myself That Yeah, God is Good

I am a highly impatient person. I have a tendency to settle down and pray, "God, I'm waiting on You. I'm trusting You."

A few minutes pass, and the studying sets in. "You know, I suppose the problem could be handled this way. Reasonably. Logically, You know. But it's Your will. Yeah."

Next comes the begging. "If You'd please just fix this. Please. I know it's what You want but can this be what You want? I'd really like that. But You're in charge."

And then the questioning. "What do You want, God? Just tell me. What's Your will? Okay, multiple choice; is it A, B, or C? Nothing. Okay. Well. Yeah. Thy will be done."

This usually ends in me making a decision anyway or falling asleep. So yeah, waiting is not my strong suit.

It's funny how we have to ask to trust. We have to ask to do anything right. We have to ask to ask the right questions. As a race, humans are pretty helpless.

It's funny how we never consider that we are helpless so that we can be helped. 

I am a perfectionist (and a fairly prideful one, at that), so asking for help was never my strong suit, either. 

I think that's why we have breaking points. Otherwise we'd never get past ourselves to see our need. Yeah, they hurt. But if we'd stop burying ourselves in other things, just trying to drown the pain, then maybe we wouldn't need such drastic wake-up calls. 

We need Him. When you're on your knees and everything hurts and it feels like you've lost it all, you suddenly realize just how big the gap in your soul is. Nothing else can ever fill it. You can ignore it or feed it junk or put a band-aid over it, but when it's ripped away the hole is still there. You're still bleeding. And the more you try to make other things suffice the bigger that space will get. 

But, oh, blessed grace. God's grace is never-ending. That means that no matter how battered and bruised and gigantic your gap is, He can fill it. Only He fill it. Try as you might, nothing else has enough to fill it. Your friends can't fill their own emptiness, how could they ever fill yours? If money is so fulfilling then why can people have a house full of stuff and still be miserable? If popularity is so fulfilling then why do celebrities go to extremes just to feel a little pleasure? 

I know we've heard this a million times before, but why do we still find it so hard to believe that God can satisfy us? 

I'm not suggesting a health-and-wealth Gospel. I know we're promised suffering. But we were also promised joy. 

Friends, joy can only be found in an unshakable conviction that He is always with us and He is best. Not only did He look on all my pride and all my impatience and all the times I grieve His heart and say "She is mine," but He continually, non-stop, moment by moment chooses me. He orchestrates my life in the best way. God's wisdom is defined as accomplishing the best possible ends by the best possible means for the most possible people for the longest possible time. 

How could I ever look at the way He has written my life and wonder if I could have done it better?

Had I chosen, life would be easy. I wouldn't have had to move so much and my family would never fight and I would never have to battle the darkness within me. 

But then I would never have learned what I needed to live. I would never be able to relate to people. 

So why not erase pain and suffering overall? He's Sovereign, why would He make us hurt?

We chose this. At the Fall, we picked sin. From the beginning, we thought that something else was better than God. And it killed us. 

But He already had a plan in motion. He never wanted us to die, but He loves to redeem us. He sent Jesus. He made a way out. 

For our time on earth, things could be so much worse. Even now, God's hand is on us and around us, holding back the tide of evil, but allowing the suffering to teach us to draw near to Him.

One day, He will let go. The world will destroy itself, and He will take His children out of it. We will come back with Him, triumphant, and he will judge once and for all. Then, with evil vanquished forever, He will build a new world for His people. We will live in His constant face-to-face presence with no more pain. 

Friends, we win!

So for now, I will cling to Him, trusting that He is good and He knows best and one day He will redeem our suffering. I can rest because I am His.