So, I don't yet have the hindsight to write a cohesive recap of the 11 days I spent in Italy. I do, however, have plenty of things going on right now to write about.
The older I get, the more inadequate I feel.
This trip was not the normal mission trip high for me. It was hard. I struggled a lot: before, during, and after. I had to take everything I thought I knew and throw it out the window. As much as I'd like to make a bulleted checklist of things I learned, I can't. This is the kind of experience you need a lifetime to chew on.
This is not to say God didn't work. I saw Him moving and His Will most certainly was done. He just didn't work in a way I expected Him to.
My entire vision of myself has changed. I'm not a little girl anymore, but I'm a long way from being mature. This trip is just the beginning of some crucial crossroads time as I start my Senior year of High School.
And, honestly, I'm feeling a bit...strange. Like jet lag, I can't seem to wake up and really dig into life. I'm so scared to make a decision that I've kicked on autopilot and I'm not doing much of anything.
Everything could change in a split second and that thought terrifies me.
I know this is just the "Before" and that it takes work to get to the "After", but my whole life seems in need of a serious makeover (and I'm not even talking about the fact that I just dyed my hair red again).
It's like looking in a camera lens and I've just been bumped into and suddenly nothing is in focus anymore.
The old has been erased, but the new has yet to be written. All I can do now is trust in the Author.
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