When You're Sinking In the Mean Reds

The wind  roars through his ears, waves rising and falling all around him. A bolt of lightning stripes the sky, followed by a rumbling like that of a beast. His toes get wet. Then his ankles. What was he thinking, coming out here? He screams, "Lord, save me!" 

"Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" " (Matthew 14:31 ESV) 

She takes one shaky step, and then one more. The rope wobbles underneath her feet. Her first mistake was thinking this was a good idea, her second was looking down. The ground was much, much farther away than she had imagined. Her foot slips as fear eats its way inside her. Hands grasping for the rope, she turns her eyes back to her friend standing on the platform in front of her. 

"Keep going, the harness will catch you!" her friend calls.

I'm scared. I'm trying to get a job, I have to start seriously planning for college this year, I'm doing duel enrollment, I can't decide if I should do theater, the list goes on. I feel unprepared. I don't know what to do. Fear sneaks up on me at the most inconvenient times, and sometimes I just get overwhelmed by it all. I think I finally understand what Holly (played by Audrey Hepburn) meant in Breakfast at Tiffany's; 

"Holly Golightly: "You know those days when you get the mean reds?"

Paul Varjak: "The mean reds, you mean like the blues?"

Holly Golightly: "No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?" " 

I get that feeling far, far too often. Even when things are going well and the sun is out, the "mean reds" can get you out of nowhere. But they're not really out of nowhere, are they? It seems to me that I'm usually acting like Peter when it happens. Taking my eyes off of the Lord and watching the storm around me. God seems to be saying "O you of little faith" to me a lot lately. I forget that while I'm sinking, He's standing right there waiting to pull me in.

The second little story (which I considered calling an anecdote but then had to Google what an anecdote was) is about me. Last week I went with some friends from church to Stone Mountain and we did a ropes course. Being the brilliant people we are and never having done one before, we went the the hardest, highest level first. Hah. I thought I was going to have a heart attack right then and there, until I was reminded that nothing could really happen to me while I was wearing a harness. 

Life can be like that, too. We're holding on so tight to some illusion of control that we forget He's the One holding on to us. We can't fall when He's our harness. 

So I have to remember to let go. Take risks. Don't worry. 

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)