Honestly

So, as I've mentioned a few times, I just got back from New Mexico and Monroe. Life-changing, awesome, eye-opening, these trips were more than I ever thought they'd be. I came home refreshed and challenged, ready to go do what the Lord would have for me!

But of course it's not that simple.

After only a couple of days with nothing to do, I find myself slipping back into my old habits. Habits that I thought I was done with, because I'm changed now, right? "Right," I say to myself as I think that thought again or waste hours on the internet again. I just keep going back, despite so many prayers that this change would last.

So what's wrong with me? Why do I keep messing up? Paul had the same problem in Romans 7:15.

"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."  

Change is hard. I push for change and yearn for change and yet honestly I hate the process. It hurts. Being ripped apart to be put back together is painful. It involves a paradigm shift, a change of heart, changing your actions, getting out of your comfort zone, risking your friends thinking differently of you. It's just flat-out scary. 

Change is also impossible.
Wait, what?

That's right. No matter how hard you try, there are some things about yourself that you just can't change. You have to rely on God to truly change your heart.

As much as I hate to admit it, you can't change your friends, either. Sure, you should reflect Christ and be a good influence on them, but you can't rewrite them, only He can. 

Honestly, I don't have the answers. Any of them. I can only point you (and myself) to the One who does.

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand." Psalms 37:23-24 (NLT)