To the Guilty: War is Over

In light of my upcoming crazy summer of travel and the increasing itch to write, it's time to dust off this blog and pick it up again.

But I don't want to talk about travel or schedules or school. I want to talk about guilt.

Guilt. It's an ugly word, evoking nothing but negative feelings and downcast eyes. It's a weight strapped on our shoulders or hiding in our closets. 

It's something that I think I'm past over and over, but I've been realizing that it's far worse than I thought. I've carried guilt for most of my life. Sometimes over specific things I've done, but more often than not over things I haven't done. Over the kind of Christian I can't be, no matter how hard I try.

Growing up immersed in Christian culture, especially Southern Christian culture, we're made aware of guilt at a young age. This isn't all bad- we are sinners, and knowing that is part of how God saves us,

But there comes a point where it can be a bit dangerous. Where guilt becomes shame becomes legalism. As a kid, I was hyper-aware of what I should be doing, what I wasn't doing. I swung from extremes of guilt to extremes of self-righteousness, never sure where I should be. I grew up believing that, at best, God was disappointed with me, if not angry.

The point that I missed as a kid was that Jesus did not die to make me a good person. He died to bring me life. My salvation was never dependent on me.

Granted, to be a believer and have Christ within you will, inevitably, change you as it makes you more like Christ. And yes, there are certain things that teach us how to do that- discipleship, Bible study, worship. Our heart must match our hands, and vice versa. But the most that these things can ever do is orient us in the right direction because it is God Himself who does the changing.

When I don't make the cut, when I fail, when I run, when I choose myself over Him and over those around me- I tend to avoid Him because I fear that it will only make me feel guilty. I'm afraid He'll be disappointed that I'm such a mess...again.

But the God I find when I do come?

"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem and cry to her that her warfare is ended, her iniquity is pardoned, that she has received from the Lord double for all her sins." 

This passage is in Isaiah chapter 40, and it comes after 39 chapters of chaos. Isaiah has been telling the people that because of their sin God will give them up to the Assyrians. In the end He will bring the remnant back and crush their captors, but it's going to hurt.. They're going to lose it all.

Yet in the midst of all this, after all they've done, He speaks peace. The Israelites don't know what's coming; they're still waiting for the Messiah, and He's feeling farther away than ever. But us? We've seen the fulfillment of the promise. Jesus has come and done as He said He would.

War is over.

We don't have to feel guilty for all we aren't. We don't have to punish ourselves for all that we are. God will never be disappointed in us because He knows us intimately-good and bad.

And He calls us to more than obedience out of fear of not being good enough. He never asked us to earn His love, His favor, or His grace. Because if we're His, He gives it regardless of us. He gives grace when we don't ask, love when we don't want it, favor when we least deserve it. And although our experience of these things-our ability to see them-may change based on our relationship with Him, God Himself does not change.

I can't pretend like I still don't feel guilty. It's so ingrained in my understanding of faith that it won't be rooted out overnight. But I know that there's freedom to be found. And it's a freedom that offers more than moralism and more than selfish hedonism- it's a freedom that offers Jesus Himself.