Kid Comedians

"Maybe you could be a jet pilot one day."
"Yeah!Wait, will Mommy and Daddy be there?"
"Sure, if you want..."
"Good!Cause I'd get scared if Mommy and Daddy weren't there."

"I'm the bad superhero!"

"What does the Easter Bunny poop?"
"Candy!"
"And?"
"Rainbows!"
"And?"
"Jesus!"

"The salamanders are doing a jig on your shoulders!"
"And he's doing the Charleston on her shoulder."
"And they're peeing on Bobby!"

"The ghost is gonna steal you socks!Oh no!The sneaky snake!"

"Let's go on an adventure!"
"I only have a few minutes...."
"How many?"
"Minutes?Like,5."
"Let's go on a five minute adventure!"

"She's my Zombie mannequin!"

"My turtle died today. We had a funeral. And this would be so, so sad....if it were REAL! I don't have a turtle! We didn't have a funeral!"

"I'm gonna shoot the fish tank!"

"You're a dalmatian!"
"No, I'm not, I'm not white!"

"What's the tastiest part of humans? I bet it's the thighs..."

"You realize some of the Beatles are still alive, right?"
"Then I'll kill them!"
"Wouldn't that be an exterminator?"

"Who brings a banjo to a war?!"

"I'm Santa Batman!I see you when you're sleeping!"

"Be a manly woman!"

The best part of babysitting? Kids say the funniest things.