Something New

This blog was made several years ago as sort of a side project that never really caught on. 

You know those things you find: 
"Hey, this could be cool."
*posts while giggling*
"I'm a blogger now."
*insert Spongebob-style "Two Weeks Later" sign*
"What was my password again?"

Exactly. I can't be the only one who's made things, then moved on to Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, etc. But that's not the point. I'm starting over. This is something new.

(Note: It's kinda long, but you'll see my point once you've read it.)

I should probably start at the beginning. 
I was born in a hospital in Tennessee, Christmas Day, 19-just kidding. (Although I was born on Christmas!)
Let's summarize the first say, 15 years of my life. I grew up in a Christian home, "got saved" at the age of five, moved a LOT (as in seven times as of today) and did other stuff that would take too long to tell. My first two years of middle school were pretty rough, but once again, that's a story for another day. Anyway, after a long, dark, and hard 7th grade year, I rededicated my life to Christ at the beginning of 8th grade. I made a couple of friends shortly after, and the rest of the year was a blast as I enjoyed being on top of the pack and even taking a mission trip to Myrtle Beach with my student choir. 

Then high school happened.
Hah. 

As my luck would have it (although I see now that it was God working in my life) I had two first days of High School, first at a creative arts school as a writing major, and then a month later at the public HS near my house. I made some wonderful, wonderful friends there, and assumed that I was finally in a place where I could grow some roots and come out four years later with a diploma and some good friends. (In moving so much, I've been to ten different schools, the longest one for three years from middle of 1st-middle of 4th grade.)  Then, just after Christmas, my parents announced that we were moving. Again.

That would have been stressful enough on its own, but there were no houses available in my school zone. For weeks I cried. True, we weren't moving far away, but I loved this school and the people in it. Shortly after the news, I found out that two of my closest friends were moving as well, one to Iowa and one to Texas. I was devastated. As May approached, I could feel my apprehension growing. I avoided packing; it made it too real. When I did have to do moving-related things, I was blessed to have a few fantastic friends who helped to keep my spirits up. 

The day finally came. I'd said goodbye to my school friends, shoved all my belongings in boxes and my three cats in crates, and was planning with my mother to start homeschool in the fall. But I wouldn't stay in my new home that night. Things were in danger of falling through, so we packed large suitcases, put everything we owned in the garage of the new house, and spent three lonely days in the hotel where my mother worked. 

But, thankfully, we moved in at the end of the week. I even missed most of the clean-up while I was working a sports camp in Atlanta the next week, and then working at my church's Vacation Bible school the next. It felt like things were looking up. 

However, once the trips were over and I was left alone with my box-filled room and a house that didn't feel like home, darkness set in. My mother was stuck working a stressful job that she hated; several of my friends, for different reasons, had seemingly turned their back on me; I was having to deal with spending all day, every day, doing school on my own instead of surrounded by people. For the second time in my life (the first was 7th grade) I slipped into the pit of depression. Nothing brought me joy, I didn't want to talk to anyone and yet felt incredibly lonely at the same time, I became angry with my family and got grounded frequently. Life became very grim. 

But God is good. 
In a way I "walked through the valley of the shadow of death" and He kept me alive.

Things got better very, very slowly. Most of my friends came back eventually, and I even became closer with some lovely new people in my wonderful church family. My relationship with my parents improved as well. I became content with my life. It had its ups and downs, and while I was enjoying life again, I still struggled with depression occasionally. Fast forward to Good Friday of this year.

For a couple weeks I had been kind of "down" to say the least. Nothing especially difficult was going on in my life, but I was frustrated with myself, my constant battle with sin, and my lack of direction in life. You see, I'd wanted to be a singer my entire life. In the fourth grade I discovered that I had a passion for acting as well. Seventh grade introduced me to my love for writing. And yet, I didn't know what I would do when I "grew up". Not that there's anything wrong with singing, acting, or writing. But in a scarily short amount of time I would be applying for college. To do what? 

Anyway, with all this brewing in the back of my mind, I went to the Secret Church simulcast that David Platt does every year, honestly just hoping I wouldn't fall asleep. (It's an intense Bible study that lasts from roughly  6 p.m.-1 a.m. EST. Check it out at www.radical.net/secretchurch ) The topic didn't sound too uplifting, "Heaven, Hell, and the End of the World". But I learned something that night that made all the difference. 

It's hard to explain, but here goes. My perspective was focused on the troubles in my life, my fears for the future, my scars from the past. God clicked the "Zoom Out" button for me that night. There is more than just this world. Our hope is Heaven, a place where we who have trusted in Christ will spend every moment for all eternity face-to-face with our loving, wonderful, indescribably awesome God. Platt summed it up nicely when he said "Revelation summed up in three words: OUR GOD WINS." I have hope because He is coming back. My home is Heaven. 

" 1"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. 2In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also." - John 14:1-2 (ESV) 

Along with this, there is a sense of urgency. Hell is real. And billions of people are headed there. They need to know. Platt also said, "How much must you hate someone not to share the Gospel with them?" (Rebecca paraphrase). There are men, women, and children dying every day without knowing that God sent His Son to die for their sins because of His great love for us. We must tell them. 

This was just the spark for a wave of signs. 

Two weeks ago on a Wednesday night one of the seniors in our Youth Group preached about how the Great Commission is one of the most important things we as Christians are called to do. Soon he'll be joining his sister in her mission work in Asia. 

Today I finished the book, Kisses From Katie, a story about a then nineteen-year-old girl who dared to say "yes" to God and is now the mother to thirteen Ugandan girls. (Read about Katie's amazing testimony at her blog  http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/ and her ministry, Amazima, at http://www.amazima.org) While reading, I could feel the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart. "See?" God said, "People need help. People need me. You can tell them." One particular passage in her book really stood out to me. 

"...164.8 million needy children. And though at first glance that looks like a big number,2.1 billion people on this earth proclaim to be Christians. The truth is that if only 8 percent of the Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics left. This is the Truth. I have the freedom to believe it. The freedom, the opportunity to do something about it. The truth is that He loves these children just as much as He loves me and now that I know, I am responsible." 

"Now that I know, I am responsible." If that doesn't hit you, nothing will. As soon as I finished the book, I dropped to my knees and asked that He show me what I'm supposed to do. While I didn't get a specific answer, He gave me a verse. 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."- 2 Corinthians 12:9

Is God calling me to be a missionary? Maybe. I'm not sure. One thing I do know is that he will provide. He will give me the opportunities, the means, the guidance. For one thing I am is weak. But he is powerful. 

This is my story. It is nowhere near finished. This is only the beginning. I will not walk alone, my God will be always by my side. So wherever He leads, I will follow. This is where my journey begins.